Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What is the only breed of dog a boxer is afraid of?
→ A Doberman puncher!

What did the dog take when he was run down?
→ The license number of the car that hit him.

Who is the dogs favourite comedian?
→ Growlcho Marx!

A local business was looking for office help.

They put a sign in the window, stating the following:

- HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside.

He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said:

- I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type.

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog:

- The sign says you have to be good with a computer.

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time.

By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said:

- I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job.

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.

The manager said:

- Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual.

The dog looked at the manager calmly and said:

- Meow.

- Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a spider

- What a web of lies!

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
→ A Lickalotopus.

The Runaway Horse by Gay Topen

Did you hear?

The Energizer bunny has been arrested for Battery.

A lady approaches a priest and tells him:

- Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only say 'Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some FUN?'

- That's terrible! - the priest exclaimed.

- Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible, then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship.

So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The lady puts her female talking parrots in and they say:

- Hi, we are Prostitutes! Do you want to have some FUN?

One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and says:

- PUT THE BIBLES AWAY! OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!!!!!

What's the best thing about deadly snakes?
→ They've got poisonality!