Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What do you get when you cross a perm with a rabbit?
→ Curly hare.

What do you call an operation on a rabbit?
→ A hare-cut.

Mama Pig has a great, new kitchen appliance that lets her prepare meals ahead.
It's called a garbage compactor.

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a fool-proof plan.
They got a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose.

The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume, and began to give the moose love call.

Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.

When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said:

- Okay, lets get out and get him.

After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted:

- The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?

The guy in the front says:

- Well, I don't know how about you but I'm going to start nibbling grass.

Why did the thoughtful father buy his six children a dachshund?
→ He wanted a dog they could all pet at once.

What kind of dog does a dracula like?
→ A Bloodhound.

Why did the chicken say:

- Meow, oink, bow-wow, and moo?

→ He was studying foreign languages.

One fall day, Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse going down the street, followed by another hearse, followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.

Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse and asked who was in the first one:

- My wife - the man replied.

- I'm sorry - said Dave.

- What happened to her?

- My dog bit her and she died.

Dave was taken aback.

- And who's in the second hearse?

- My mother-in-law. My dog bit her too and she died as well.

Dave asked:

- Can I borrow your dog?

- Get in line.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
→ It don't matter what you call him, he ain't commin'!

Two guys are out hunting deer...

The first guy says:

- Did you see that?... pointing to the sky.

- No - the second guy says.

- Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead! - the first guy says.

- Oh - says the second guy.

A couple of minutes later, pointing to a far ridge, the first guy says:

- Did you see that?

- See what? - the second guy asks.

- Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there!

- Yah, Ok - says the second guy again with a bit of irritation in his voice.

A few minutes later the first guy says:

- Did you see that?

This time pointing behind them.

By now, the second guy is getting very aggravated and says:

- Yah, I SAW IT!

And the first guy says:

- Then why did you step in it?