Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

How did the fish's tail get stuck in the anchor chain?
→ It was just a fluke!

What dogs are best for sending telegrams?
→ Wire haired terriers!!

How can you tell if a cat is blonde?
→ No matter what height you drop it from it always lands on its head.

What did the parrot say when he saw a duck?
→ Polly want a quacker!

There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow and he wanted to get them bred, so borrowed his neighbor's bull and turned it loose in the pasture.

He told his son to watch and come in and tell him when the bull was finished.

- Yeah daddy, yeah daddy - said the little boy. After a while the boy came into the living where his father was talking with some friends.

- Say, Pop - said the boy.

- Yes - replied his father.

- The bull just screwed the brown cow!

There was a sudden lull in the conversation. The father said "Excuse me" and took his son outside.

- Son, you mustn't use language like that in front of company. You should say 'The bull "surprised" the brown cow'. Now go and watch and tell me when the bull "surprises" the white cow.

The father went back inside the house.

After a while the boy came in and said:

- Hey, Daddy!

- Yes, son. Did the bull "surprise" the white cow?

- He sure did, Pop! He screwed the brown cow again!

Sure fire signs that your cow has mad-cow disease...:

- Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.

- She refuses to let you milk her, saying:

- Not on the first date.

- Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears.

- Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder.

- Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body.

- Your cow demands to be branded with the 'Golden Archs Logo'.

- Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.

- Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows.

- Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King.

- She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.

- Your cow joins the Hell's Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket.

- Your cow starts smoking its grass rather than eating it.

- Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting "MOO" backwards.

- Your cow insists that it can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding it Hershey bars.

- Your cow asks you to brand it again but only if you'll wear something sexy this time.

- Your cow purposely blinds itself with a dart and yells:

- Bullseye!

- Your cow becomes a Muslim and asks to be called "LaCream Abdul Milkbar".

- Your cow insists Milk Duds are the result of stupid cows.

- Your cow starts laughing hysterically until milk spurts out its nose.

- You find your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago.

- Your cow keeps wanting to chew other cows cuds.

- Your cow believes it could really jump over the moon like in the nursery rhyme if it had a really good run at it.

Which rabbit stole from the rich to give to the poor?
→ Rabbit Hood.

What's the hardest part of milking a mouse?
→ Getting it to fit over a bucket!

Why do worms taste like chewing gum?
→ Because they're wrigleys!

Have you read the book, "100-mile Horse Trek"
Who wrote it?
→ Major Bumsore