Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
→ A little bear!

A little girl asks her Mom:

- May I take the dog for a walk around the block?

Mom says:

- No honey, the dog is in heat.

- What's that mean? - asked the child.

- Go ask your Father. I think he's in the garage.

The little girl goes to the garage and says:

- Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and said I should ask you

Her Dad said:

- Bring Susie over here

He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it and said:

- Ok, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block.

The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Her Dad asks:

- Where's Susie?

The girl replies:

- Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block -and there's another dog pushing her home!

- Lara Rabbit: Do you think that's Sophie's natural color?

- Zara Rabbit: Only her hare dresser knows for sure.

If King Kong came to England why would he live in the Tower of London?
→ Because he's a beef-eater.

How did the flea learn to use the internet?
→ He had to start from scratch.

Why is the old, decrepit horse named Flattery?
→ Because it gets you nowhere!

What game do 18 dogs like to play during the summer?
→ Woofleball

What is the best kind of dog to direct traffic at a busy intersection?
→ A pointer!

Why did the dog go to the doctor after a tomato fell on his head?
→ The tomato was in a can.

What happens to a dog that keeps eating bits off of the table?
→ He gets splinters in his mouth!