Random joke from this category
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money.
- I'm not paying - said the duck.
- I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it.
- I've spent my last buck - said the deer.
- Then the duck'll have to pay - said the skunk.
- Getting here cost me my last scent.
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas??? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
Why did the chicken cross the road half way?
→ He wanted to lay it on the line!
What do you get from a drunk chicken?
→ Scotch eggs!
What do you get if your budgie flies into the blender?
→ Shredded Tweet!
What do you call a pair of skunks that are 69'ing?
→ OdorEaters!!!
Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, put on their costume and began to give the moose love call.
Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said:
- OK, lets get out and get him.
After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted:
- The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?
The guy in the front says:
- Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but if I were you, I'd brace myself!
What did the great Ape shout to the pilots who tried to shoot him off the skyscraper?
→ Listen, hotshots, don't monkey around with me!
What was the name of Tom Sawyer's fish?
→ Huckleberry Fin!
There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked outside and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said:
- In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I punch you in the nose and note how long it takes you to recover, then you punch me in the nose and note how long it takes for me to recover, whomever recovers quicker wins the egg.
The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman held the heaviest object he could find, took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and punched him as hard as he could in the nose.
The Englishman fell to the ground and was howling in agony and holding his nose for thirty minutes.
Eventually the Englishman stood up and said:
- Now it's my turn to punch you.
The Scotsman said:
- Keep the lousy egg.
