Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What color is a chameleon on a mirror?

A young girl is wandering through a park in the pouring rain, when she comes across 3 dogs. Being a bit of an animal lover, she approaches them, bends down and starts to stroke one of them:

- Ah, you're lovely, aren't you? - she says to the first dog.

- What's your name?

To her surprise, the dog actually answers her:

- My name's Huey, and I've had a great day going in and out of puddles.

Delighted with this discovery, she moves on to the next dog:

- And what's your name then?

Again, unbelievably, the 2nd dog answers her:

- My name's Lewy, and I've had a great day going in and out of puddles.

And so she moves on to the last dog. "Let me guess," she says:

- your name's Dewy, and you've had a great day going in and out of puddles.

"No," replies the last dog:

- My name's Puddles, and I've had an awful day!

Who is the smelliest, hairiest monarch in the world?
→ King Pong.

What geometric figure is like a runaway parrot?
→ A polygon.

Why did the rooster cross the road?
→ To get to the chick across the street!

Two friends who lived in the town were chatting.

- I've just bought a pig - said the first.

- But where will you keep it? - said the second.

- Your yard's much too small for a pig!

- I'm going to keep it under my bed - replied his friend.

- But what about the smell?

- He'll soon get used to that.

Where do ants go for their holidays?
→ Frants!

There was this fish, and this fish was watching a fly, the fish wanted the fly to drop six inches so he could jump and eat it.

There was a bear on the shore, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump and the bear could swipe the fish for lunch.

There was a hunter in the woods, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would swipe and the fish and come out into plain view.

There was a mouse eyeing the hunters sandwhich, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would move into plain view, the hunter would shoot the bear then the hunter would go get the bear and the mouse could get the sandwhich.

There was a cat waiting for the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would move into plain view, the hunter would shoot the bear and for the mouse to go for the sandwhich.

So the fly drops six inches, the fish jumps in the air, the bear catches the fish, the hunter shoots the bear and the mouse swipes the sandwhich. The blast from the hunters gun startled the cat, which jumped into the river.

The moral of the story is...

When the fly drops six inches the pussy gets wet.

What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house?
→ The Lizard of Oz!

A blind man was waiting to cross the road when a dog stopped and cocked its leg against him. The blind man felt in his pocket for a sweet, bent down, and offered it to the dog. A passerby remarked what a very kind act that was considering what the dog had done.

- Not at all - said the blind man. I only wanted to find out which end to kick.