Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What would happen if you crossed Magilla Gorilla with a Saint Bernard?
→ It would drink the brandy it would carry and act like a big Gorilla!

There's a man and his wife who own a pub, and have a dog called Fido, who's 24, which is very old for a dog. One day the dog tragically dies, and they bury him but keep his tail separate as a memorial.

That night, the man hears a strange noise and rushes downstairs to find the dog's ghost, demanding for his tail back.

The man was just about to give the tail back when the wife rushed down and said:

- Don't give it back! Don't give it back!

- Why? - asked the man.

- You're not allowed to retail spirits after 12:00!

Why is a reindeer like a gossip?
→ Because they are both tail bearers!

Did you hear the joke about the skunk?
→ Never mind, it stinks!

What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of fried chicken?
→ She kicked the bucket!

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Tasmanian Barbie ...spins like a top!

Where do ants go to eat?
→ At a restaurant!

An accountant goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner shows him three identical parrots on a perch and says:

- The parrot on the left costs $500.

- Why does that parrot cost so much? - asks the accountant.

- Well - replies the owner.

- it knows how to do complex audits.

- How much does the middle parrot cost? - asks the accountant.

- That one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the first one can do plus it knows how to prepare financial forecasts.

The startled accountant asks about the third parrot, to be told it costs $4,000. Needless to say, this begs the question:

- What can it do?

To which the owner replies:

- To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner.

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
→ They couldn't get the moose in the oven!

Which fish go to heaven when they die?
→ Angelfish!