Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger?
→ A stri-ped!

Which is the favourite Gorilla proverb?
→ A fiend in need is a fiend indeed!

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Teenage Mutant Ninja Barbie ...one of the Turtles with Barbie head

A guy comes walking into a bar with a turtle in his hand.

The turtle's one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape.

The bartender looks at the guy and asks:

- What's wrong with your turtle?

- Not a thing - the man responds, this beat up turtle is faster than your dog!

- Not a chance! - replies the barkeep.

- Okay then, says the guy... you take your dog and let him stand at one end of the bar. Then go and stand at the other end of the room and call your dog. I'll bet you $500 that before your dog reaches you, my turtle will be there.

So the bartender, thinking it's an easy $500, agrees.
The bartender goes to the other side of the bar, and on the count of three calls his dog.

Suddenly the guy picks up his turtle and throws it across the room, narrowly missing the bartender, and smashing into the wall and says:

- I WIN... Told you it'll be there before your dog!

Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station?
→ Because it's a 'mane-lion' station!

What did the mama pig say when junior pig bought a basket of wormy apples?
→ Don't tell the farmer. He might charge us extra.

What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson?
→ He stank to the bottom of the pool!

What's a skunk's favourite game in school?
→ Show and smell!

Why do pigs love Halloween?
→ There's lots of hogsgobblin.

One day, a man went to a nearby farm to buy some of the animals that were for sale there.

He walked up to the farmer and said:

- Hey, that's a nice donkey you got there. I think I'll take it.

The farmer replied:

- That's not a donkey, that's an ass.

So, the man said:

- Okay, then, I'll take the ass. Then he walked over to the chicken coup and said:

- I like that chicken. I'll take it too.

The farmer replied:

- That is a pullet.

So the man said:

- Okay, I'll take the pullet.

He was looking at a rooster and said:

- Well, I guess I'll take the rooster, too.

The farmer replied:

- That's not a rooster, it's a cock.

So they load the pullet and the cock into the back of the man's truck and tie the ass to the back. The man then pays the farmer as the farmer tells him:

- Now, sometimes the ass gets a little stubborn and he stops. All you have to do is get out and scratch his back, and he'll go again.

So the man drives away. All of a sudden, the ass stops, and the pullet and the cock fly out of the back. The man is trying to get them back when a woman comes out and says:

- Can I help you?

The man replies:

- Yeah, could you grab my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass?