Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What is smaller than an ant's dinner?
→ An ant's mouth!

What do you get when a cow gets stuck in an earthquake?
→ A milk shake!

What's black and white and makes a lot of noise?
→ A zebra with a set of drums.

What is the difference between a fly and a bird?
→ A bird can fly but a fly can't bird!

- How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros?

- The elephant has a better memory.

A destroyer pulled into a foreign port, and put down maximum liberty. The skeleton crew didn't notice a chimpanzee, escaped from a nearby civilian transport, crawled up the ropes and up to the smokestack. Down the stack, it made its way into the engine room. It came across a power panel opened up for maintenance, couldn't read the warning signs, and with a bright blue blast shorted out the ship's electrical system, and plunged the ship into darkness.

A little bit later, two junior Hull Technicians wander down with their flashlights, looking for the problem. They come upon the blackened body of the chimp. They shine their flashlights on its long, burnt arms.
They look at each other. They highlight its short legs and odd feet. They look at each other. Finally one says:

- Well, it's too hairy to be an Electrician, the legs are too short for a Hull Tech, and there would be more tatoos on a Bo'sun. Call the wardroom, see if one of the duty officers is missing.

What do you get when you put a Gay guy and a dinosaur together?
→ > A MegasaurASS

A zebra dies goes to heaven. When checking in, he tells St. Peter:

- Say, I have always wanted to know if I am white with black stripes or black with white stripes.

St. Peter:

- I can't answer that question...but see God walking around over there? Ask him. - Zebra to God:

- God, am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?

God looks at the zebra sagely and states:

- You are what you are.

Frustrated, the zebra returns to St. Peter.

- What did He say - asks S.P.

- Oh - replies the zebra:

- He just said, 'You are what you are,' and I still don't know whether I'm black with white stripes or white with black stripes.

- Oh, that's easy - says S.P.:

- You are white with black stripes.

- How do you know? - asks the zebra:

- Well - says S.P.:

- if you were black with white stripes he would have said 'you is what you is.'

What do you call a flying skunk?
→ A smellicopter!

What did the farmer say when his fat pig wouldn't fit into the pen?
→ "There's more there than meets the sty."