Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake?
→ Stop crying and viper your nose.

A Pastor was walking past a pet shop one day when he noticed a sign in the window:

- Christian Horse for Sale.

Being that the Pastor owned a large ranch, he was immediately interested, and went into the shop.

The owner took the Pastor out to the back, where he saw a beautiful Arabian stallion. He agreed to allow the Pastor to take a "test run."

The Pastor grabbed the reins.

- giddyap.

The horse ignored him.

- no, no - counseled the owner.

- This is a Christian horse. If you want him to move, you must say, "Praise the Lord!"

The Pastor did as he was told, and the horse started off on a leisurely walk. However, he soon found that the horse would not stop.

- He won't answer to 'Whoa' - said the owner.

- It's "Amen."

The Pastor decided that he liked the horse, so he bought him and took him home to his ranch in the country. He saddled the horse up again, said:

- Praise the Lord - and went riding into the countryside.

Suddenly, the horse saw a rattlesnake crossing the path. Frightened, he reared and bolted straight for a cliff.

The Pastor cried:

- whoa!

but the horse only ran faster. In vain, he tried one word after another. Finally, he remembered the correct command and screamed:

- AMEN!!!!!

just as the horse approached the edge of the cliff.

The Pastor was so thrilled that his life had been saved that he raised his hands to the sky and shouted:

- PRAISE THE LORD!

Who is the Gorillas' favourite playwright?
→ Eugene O'Neill - who wrote 'The Hairy Ape!'

When the lumberjacks sawed down the tree, where did the Gorilla hiding in the uppermost branches land?
→ Nearby - the Ape-lle doesn't fall far from the tree!

Dog Rules...

1. The dog is not allowed in the house.
2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The dog can get on the old furniture only.
5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only
9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.

A boy at a cinema notices what looks like a bear sitting next to him.

- Are you a bear?

- Yes

- What are you doing at the movies?

- Well, I liked the book!

What do you call an aardvark that plays poker?
→ A cardvark!

What do you call a boxing match between two aardvarks?
→ A snout bout!

Why did the dolphin feel crabby?
→ Because he ate too many crabs!

When should you feel sorry for a skunk?
→ When its spray pump is out of order!