Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What do you get if you cross a skunk and a cartoon penguin?
→ Pingu-Pong!

A man's car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him.

- Your trouble is probably in the carburetor - said the cow.

Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. The amazed man told the farmer his story.

- Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye? - asked the farmer.

- Yes, yes - the man replied.

- Oh! I wouldn't listen to Bessie - said the farmer.

- She doesn't know a thing about cars.

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks:

- And get me a whisky you cow!

The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.

When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls:

- And get me another whisky you idiot.

Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.

Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach:

- I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you.

The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says:

- For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!

What does an aardvark take for ant-digestion?
→ Anta-Seltzer!

- Waiter, what's this bug doing waltzing around my table!

- It's the band, sir, they are playing his tune!

- Waiter, waiter, there's a bee in my soup.

- Yes Sir, it's the fly's day off.

If a hungry shark is after you, what should you feed it?
→ Jawbreakers!

- Waiter, there is a fly in my wine!

- Well you did ask for something with a little body in it!

- I've got a new aardvark. Would you like to play with him?

- I don't really know. I've heard it growling, it doesn't sound very friendly. Does it bite?

- That's what I want to find out.

What do you call a thick-skinned aardvark?
→ A hardvark!