Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

Did you hear about the pub owner who raised a baby rabbit?
→ It was an inn-grown hare!

Whats a lesbian dinosaur?
→ A lickalotofpuss !

Whats a gay dinosaur?
→ A lickdicknopuss !

A Scottish old timer in Scotland, in a bar, talking to a young man.

Old Man speaks;

- Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. I piled it for months. But do they call me McGreggor-the Fence-Builder? Nooooo!

Then the old man gestured at the bar.

- Look here at the bar. Do ya see how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin' back. I carved that wood with me own hard labor, for eight days. But do they call me McGreggor-the Bar Builder? Nooooooo!

Then the old man points out the window.

- Eh, Laddy, look out to sea... Do ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But do they call me McGreggor-the Pier-Builder? Nooooo!

Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one is paying attention and says:

- But ya fuck one goat......

Look over there! Said the frightened skunk to his pal:

- There's a human with a gun, and he's getting closer and closer!

- What are we going to do?

To which the second skunk calmly replied:

- Let us spray.

- Waiter, what is this cockroach doing on my ice cream sundae?

- Skiing sir!

A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian.

- Look in the lion's mouth - the vet told him.

- How do I do that? - he asked.

- Carefully - replied the vet.

- Look, guide, here are some LION tracks.

- Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from.

What did the aardvark say when he lost the race to the ant?
→ If you can't beat 'em, eat 'em!

Little farmboy comes in late for school. Teacher asks why he's late. Farmboy replies that he had to take the family cow over to the neighbour's to get her bred by a bull.

Annoyed, teacher demands:

- Can't your father do that?

Little farm boy thinks for a moment: replies:

- Well, sure... but the bull can do it better.

- Waiter, why is there a spider in my glass?

- It scares away the flies.