Random joke from this category
On a drive in the country, a city slicker noticed a farmer lifting a pig up to an apple tree and holding the pig there as it ate one apple after another.
- Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about - said the city slicker - but if you just shook the tree so the apples fell to the ground, wouldn't it save a lot of time?
- Time? - said the farmer.
- What does time matter to a pig?
Who is the Lone Aardvark's faithful Indian companion?
→ Tanto
A city child came running into the farmhouse.
- No wonder that mama pig is so big - she yelled.
- There's a bunch of little pigs out there blowing her up!
One day the big animals and the little animals decided to have a football game. As the first half went along, the big animals were scoring at will. Every time they got the ball they would run it in for a touchdown.
Then came the second half...
First play: The elephant runs the ball up the middle. WAP!! Tackled for a five yard loss.
The little animals go back to the huddle cheering and congratulating each other.
- Who made that tackle? - asked the ant.
- I did - said the centipede.
Second play: The rhinoceros runs the ball up the middle. WHOMP!! Tackled for another five yard loss.
Back in the huddle the flea asked:
- Who made that great stop?
- I did - said the centipede.
Third play: The gorilla tries an end sweep, led by the hippo throwing the lead blocks. SMACK!! Centipede tackles him for a ten yard loss.
Back in the huddle, the gnat asked the centipede:
- Where were you in the first half?
The centipede replied:
- Puttin' on my shoes!
This lady approaches a priest and tells him:
- Father, I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing: 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'
- That's terrible! - the priest exclaimed.
- but I have a solution to your problem. You can put them with my two male talking parrots. I taught them to read the bible and pray the rosary.
The lady brings over her parrots and puts them in the priest's cage.
- Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun? - they say.
One male parrot looks over at the other and exclaims:
- Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!
- Waiter, there is a worm on my plate!
- That's not a worm sir, it's your sausage?
What do you call a three-footed aardvark?
→ A yardvark!
What did the mouse say to the webcam?
→ Cheese.
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.
The hunter ran and ran and ran, his lungs burned for lack of oxygen, his heart pounding so hard he felt like it would burst out of his chest. Then suddenly, he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed:
- Dear Lord! Please give this bear some religion!
The skies darkened, and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky, kneeled and said:
- Thank you, Lord, for this food I'm about to receive...
- Hey, there's a fly in my soup!
- Why are you complaining? Isn't it cooked?
