Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate:

- Dear - she chirped - I think it's time to tell him he's adopted.

A pig's favorite movie:
The Monster That Ate New York.

- Waiter, I can't eat this meat, it's crawling with maggots!

- Quick, run to the other end of the table and grab it as it goes by!

How does an octopus go to war?
→ Well-armed!

An auditor was examining the balance sheet of a mining company that had just bought a sheep station in the Pilbara area of Western Australia. The reason for the purchase was partly for the thousands of acres that the station covered and partly for the thousands of sheep that ranged over those thousands of acres. The auditor, being very diligent, noted that the value of the sheep formed a significant asset and, like all good auditors, knew that he would have to verify that asset. He chartered an aircraft and flew up to the station. The manager was at the airstrip to meet him.

- Hello - he said.

- I'm the auditor. I've come to count the sheep.

- Knock knock.

- Who's there?

- Owls.

- Owls who?

- That's right! Owls hoo!

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to bug off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.

- OK, follow me, - he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

- Now, do you see that tree over there? - he asked.

- YES, YES, YES!! - the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

- Good! - said the first bat.

- Because I fucking didn't!

What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
→ A mouse organ !

One day there was a tortoise walking on the road. Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race. The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race. The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge. It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line. So the tortoise is still the champion of the race. So remember this you snooze you loose!

Did you hear about the blonde coyote? She got stuck in a trap, chewed off three of her legs and was still stuck.