Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why did the jellyfish's wife leave him?
→ He stung her into action.

Which drink makes a Gorilla feel tipsy?
→ An ape-ricot sour!

How did Gertie Gorilla make the 'Playboy' Calendar?
→ She was 'Miss Ape-ril!'

A frog came into a bank to obtain a loan. He spoke to the loan officer Mr. Paddywack. When Mr. Paddywack asked the frog what he had for loan collateral, the frog held out his hand.

- What's that? - asked Mr. Paddywack, but the frog could not talk. So, Mr. Paddywack took the frog in to see the manager and explained the situation.

The manager then asked the frog what collateral he had for the loan and the frog held out his hand:

- Oh, that's a knickknack Paddywack, give the frog a loan. - said the manager.

- Both look stupid in hats.

- Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.

- Both tend to have "hip" problems.

- Neither understand football.

- Both are good at pretending that they're listening to every word you say.

- Neither believe that silence is golden.

- Both constantly want back rubs.

- Neither can balance a checkbook.

- You can never tell what either of them is thinking.

- Both put too much value on kissing.

How Women Are Better Than Dogs

- It is socially acceptable to have sexual relations with a woman.

- Women look good in sweaters.

- Waiter, there's a fly in my custard!

- I'll fetch him a spoon sir!

Why did the duck stick his leg into a computer?
→ He wanted to have webbed feet.

There are bats hanging of a branch upside down, all except one. Two bats comment:

- What's happened to this one?

- I don't know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.

There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country.

The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said:

- Mmmmm, I smell sausage.

The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said:

- Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes.

The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn't because of the two bigger moles.

The baby mole said:

- The only thing I can smell is molasses!

A pig's favorite movie:
The Monster That Ate New York.