Most viewed jokes

Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opener?
→ He had a bee in his suit of armour!

What do you get if you cross a salmon, a bird's leg and a hand?
→ Birdsthigh fish fingers!

What does K-mart stand for?
→ Kuz Mexicans Are Rich Too

A man comes home from work one night to catch his blonde girlfriend sliding down the banister naked. He blurts out, "What do you think you're doing?" "Just heating up dinner" she replies.

Once upon a time, a guy was sitting at a bar.
He was throwing money around, giving the barman hundred dollar tips and buying drinks for everyone. He was surrounded by a crowd of adoring women.
The barman liked the tips, but he was kind of curious about a little man that would jump from the rich guy's pocket.
The little man would run up and down the bar, kicking over the bowls of peanuts and giving people the finger.
Then the little guy would jump back into the man's jacket for a while.
The barman went over and asked the guy what was up.
So the rich guy says:

- Well, let me tell you a little story.

- I was walking along a beach one day, and I come across this lamp.

- I rub it, and a genie popped out.

- I got three wishes, so my first wish was to be fabulously wealthy.

- Then I wished for a harem. You can see I got both.

The barman asks:

- So what about that little guy in your jacket?

- Oh, that - mumbles the rich guy.

- That's the twelve-inch prick I wished for.

There was a blonde who was at an all blonde football game.
At halftime she was called down to answer questions to see if she could win $1000. The first question was what is 10 plus 11?
She hesitates and says, hm.. 5! The host says no im sorry thats incorrect.
All of the blondes in the stadium chanted:

- Give her another chance, give her another chance!

So the host agrees and said:

- ok how about 5 plus 5.

She answers and says 20. Again all the blondes chanted give her another chance, give her another chance. So the host agrees again and says, ok last chance, what is 2 plus 2. The blonde says 4! and the audience says Give her another chance give her another chance!

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting:

- BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO.....

She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts:

- Be silent!

There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting:

- OEING! OEING! OEING! OE....

- LH741: Tower, give me a rough time check

- Tower: It's Thursday, Sir.

A man walks up to the counter at the airport.

- Can I help you? - asks the agent.

- I want a round trip ticket - says the man.

- Where to? - asks the agent.

- Right back to here.