Most viewed jokes

Why does Hellen Keller use one hand to masturbate?
→ Because she uses the other to moan.

The president was trying to keep his presidential promise by putting more women on his staff.

The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar.

- I assume - she snarled - that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?!

- There is - he replied.

- Breakfast!

Why are some women beginning to like work better than sex?
→ More perks, and the payoff is better.

Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy points to it and says:

- Mummy, what is that long thing?

His mother replies:

- That son, is the elephant's trunk.

- No, at the other end.

- That son is the tail.

- No, mummy, the thing under the elephant.

A short embarrassed silenced after which she replies:

- Thats nothing.

The mother goes to buy some ice-cream and the boy, not being satisfied with her answer asks his father the same question:

- Daddy, what is that long thing?

- That's the trunk, son - replies the father.

- No at the other end.

- Oh, that is the tail.

- No, no daddy, the thing below - asks the son in desperation.

- That is the elephants penis. Why do you ask son?

- Well mummy said it was nothing - says the boy.

Replies the father:

- I tell you, I spoil that woman ...

A Polak wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the Polak to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The Polak understood and was ready.

The time came to have the Polak jump from the air plane. The instructor reminded the Polak that he would be right behind him. The Polak proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the Polak.

The Polak seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to his parachute:

- So you wanna race, eh?

Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss this vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.

- On a woman - the doctor said.

- your heart would be just below your left breast.

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound to her left knee.

Girls = time * money
time = money, therefore:
Girls = money * money (*)

But we know that money is a root of all evil, thus:
money = sqrt(evil)

Taking into account (*), we have:
Girls = sqrt(evil)*sqrt(evil)

And finally:
Girls = |evil|

Thus, Girls are the absolute evil!

What do you call a flying skunk?
→ A smellicopter!

What's a skunk's favourite game in school?
→ Show and smell!