Most viewed jokes

How do you define confusion??
→ A blind lesbian in a fish market!

The incredibly dumb ATT fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting please to come out and give himself up.

An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher."

A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy.

Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system.

- This is even worse than last year - said the distraught homeowner, when someone broke in and stole my new security system...

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity to Goose Hunters
Women's Movement Called More Broad-Based
Antique Stripper to Display Wares at Store
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin

What's black and white and makes a lot of noise?
→ A zebra with a set of drums.

Did you hear the joke about the skunk?
→ Never mind, it stinks!

a guy was teased everywhere of his totally noticably bald head! Afta goin thru yrs of this, he decided that he should say sumthin about it! so he stood up on2 the tallest statue and shouted 4 everyone 2 hear: 'I AM NOT BALD, ITS JUST THAT IM TALLER THAN MY HAIR!'

What would happen if you crossed Magilla Gorilla with a Saint Bernard?
→ It would drink the brandy it would carry and act like a big Gorilla!

What is the difference between a fly and a bird?
→ A bird can fly but a fly can't bird!

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Darth Vader Barbie ...with plastic helmet; pull the string and she sounds like James Earl Jones

Today I saw a baby who had put on five stone in weight in two weeks by drinking elephant's milk.
Whose baby was it?
→ The elephant's!