Most viewed jokes

Why didn't the mouse cross the road?
→ It's cord wasn't long enough!

What do you get if put a blonde upside down?
→ A brunette with a bad breath.

A woman went to a discount store to purchase several items. When she finally got to the checker, she learned one of her items had no price.

She thought she'd die of embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear:

- Price check on lane thirteen. Tampax. Supersize.

As if that wasn't bad enough, the person looking for the price misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "Thumbtacks."

In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom:

- Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?

Three priests were fishing on a boat when they ran out of bait.

The first priest got up and walk across the water to get some more bait.

After 2 hours they ran out of bait again and the second priest said he would go get more bait...so he got up and walk across the water.

After 3 hours of fishing they ran out of bait again and the third priest said he would get more bait. So he stepped out of the boat and went straight to the bottom.

The first priest turned to the second priest and asked:

- Should we have told him where the rocks were?

What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
→ When you slap a mosquito, it will stop sucking.

What do you get if you cross a baby with soldiers?
→ Infantry!

From a Southwest Airlines employee....

- Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.

- Tower: Lufthansa 893, you're number one, check for workers on the taxiway.

- Pilot: Roger ..... We've checked, they're all working.

Why don't apples smile when you go bobbing?
→ Because they're crab apples!

Where do ants go for their holidays?
→ Frants!