Most viewed jokes

- Mrs Jones: Now, remember, children, travel is very good for you. It broadens the mind.

- Betty, muttering: If you're anything to go by, that's not all it broadens!

A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father asked:

- Does this fellow have any money?

The daughter shook her head sadly.

- Oh Daddy! You men are all alike. - sighing deeply, she replied.

- That's exactly what he asked me about you.

When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher. He explained:

- Pull the pin like a hand grenade, then depress the trigger to release the foam.

Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin.

The instructor hinted:

- Like a hand grenade, remember?

In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin -- and hurled the extinguisher at the blaze.

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
→ She didn't suit his taste!

When is your mind like a rumpled bed?
→ When it isn't made up yet.

Fred came rushing in to his Dad.

- Dad! - he puffed:

- is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?

- That's what they say - said his Dad.

- Well, give me an apple quick? I've just broken the doctor's window!

Seems my latest Freudian slip came just as my wife arrived back from a week-long business trip in Toronto.

As she grabbed her luggage and headed off, she asked:

- Did you miss me?

I replied quite innocently:

- It's been so hard without you.

What is the best way to get a man to do sit-ups?
→ Put the remote control between his toes.

What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
→ Opens the car door.

AGE DRINK
17 - Wine Coolers
25 - White wine
35 - Red wine
48 - Dom Perignon
66 - Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17 - Need to wash my hair
25 - Need to wash and condition my hair
35 - Need to colour my hair
48 - Need to have Francois colour my hair
66 - Need to have Francois colour my wig

FAVORITE SPORT
17 - shopping
25 - shopping
35 - shopping
48 - shopping
66 - shopping

DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 - "Burger King"
25 - "Free meal"
35 - "A diamond"
48 - "A bigger diamond"
66 - "Home Alone"

FAVORITE FANTASY
17 - tall, dark and handsome
25 - tall, dark and handsome with money
35 - tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 - a man with hair
66 - a man

HOUSE PET
17 - Muffy the cat
25 - Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35 - German Shepherd and Muffy the Cat
48 - Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
66 - Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muff the Cat

WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED
17 - 17
25 - 25
35 - 35
48 - 48
66 - 66

IDEAL DATE
17 - He offers to pay
25 - He pays
35 - He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 - He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 - He can chew his breakfast