Guest
Arab Dairy Farmer
What do you call an Arab dairy farmer?
→ A milk sheik.
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Guest
Buried Inibrian
What do you call an Inibrian who has been buried for 1000 years?
→ Peat!!!
Guest
Automatic Pilot
After the first takeoff of the fully automatic airplane, the passengers heard the soothing, reassuring voice of the pilot:
- Ladies and gentlemen, this is your automatic pilot.
- In my modern and carefully tested sytem an error is absolutely impossible, absolutely impossible, absolutely impossible, ...
Guest
United Landing Announcement
United Airlines FA: "Ladies and Gentlemen, as you are all now painfully aware, our Captain has landed in Seattle. From all of us at United Airlines we'd like to thank you for flying with us today and please be very careful as you open the overhead bins as you may be killed by falling luggage that shifted during our so called "touch down."
Guest
Smart Ant
What do you call a smart ant?
→ Elegant!
Guest
No Imagination
How do you know accountants have no imagination?
→ They named a firm PricewaterhouseCoopers.
Guest
7-Eleven Locks
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
Guest
Last Pullover
A guy was driving his car at the speed of 80 mph when he saw the flashing red and blue lights.
Thinking that the cop might not be able to catch him, he accelerated to 110 mph. He finally came to some sense and pulled over to the side. The cop stepped out, took his license and examined it without a word. He looked at the driver and said:
- I've had a tough shift and this is my last pullover. I don't feel like doing anymore paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go!
The driver blinked only once while his brain scramble for a reply.
- Last week my wife ran off with a cop - he said:
- and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!
- Off you go - said the officer.
Guest
Defamation Of Character
A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.
After the trial he asked the judge:
- Does this mean that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?
The judge said that was true.
- Does this mean I cannot call a pig, 'Mrs. Johnson'? - the man asked.
The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig 'Mrs. Johnson' with no fear of legal action.
The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said...:
- Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson!
Guest
TV Rubbish
I absolutely hate sex on the television.....
I keep falling off!