Most viewed jokes

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign at a hotel:

- Help! We need inn-experienced people.

Sign in a science teacher's room:

- If it moves, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.

Sign in butchers window:

- Pleased to meat you.

Sign on auto body shop:

- May we have the next dents?

Sign at the dry cleaner's window:

- Drop your pants here.

Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery:

- Reserved for plant manager.

Sign in an Acapulco Hotel:

- The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

Sign in a Norwegian lounge:

- Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward:

- Please do not disturb further.

What do you get if you cross a vampire and a circus entertainer?
→ Something that goes straight for the juggler!

A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men.

He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, whereas women use 20,000 words per day.

His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

Her husband looked stunned. He said:

- What?

Have you heard about the new Iraqi Air Force exercise program?
→ Each morning you raise your hands above your head and leave them there.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up for itself?
→ Because it was two-tyred.

When Mr Maxwell's wife left him, he couldn't sleep.
Why was that?
→ She had taken the bed.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

T2 Barbie ...a study in silver

What is a baby: A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other.

- Hello flight 56, if you hear me rock your wings..

- OK TOWER, IF YOU HEAR ME ROCK THE TOWER!!

Do you suppose that it occurs to the power company that they are making a double pun when they send their bill commanding "Please Pay Current Charges"?