The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole. Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.
- Exactly where were you at the time of the accident? - inquired the officer.
- Mister - exclaimed the telephone lineman.
- I was at the top of the pole!
A farmer was interviewing a young man for the job of assistant farmhand.
- You'll need to be fit - said the farmer - Have you ever had any illnesses? Any accidents?
- No, sir - replied the young man proudly.
- But you're on crutches. You must have had an accident! - said the farmer.
- Oh, the crutches! - said the young man - A bull tossed me last week. But that wasn't an accident! He did it on purpose!
There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
King Kong Barbie ...six foot tall ape holding Barbie doll dressed like Fae Rae
Don't you just hate the blatant materialism surrounding Christmas? And aren't you just dying to know what you got?
If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on your head-lights, what happens?
What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman?
→ Have an ice day!
Top 10 signs you bought a bad christmas tree:
A Pastor was walking past a pet shop one day when he noticed a sign in the window:
- Christian Horse for Sale.
Being that the Pastor owned a large ranch, he was immediately interested, and went into the shop.
The owner took the Pastor out to the back, where he saw a beautiful Arabian stallion. He agreed to allow the Pastor to take a "test run."
The Pastor grabbed the reins.
- giddyap.
The horse ignored him.
- no, no - counseled the owner.
- This is a Christian horse. If you want him to move, you must say, "Praise the Lord!"
The Pastor did as he was told, and the horse started off on a leisurely walk. However, he soon found that the horse would not stop.
- He won't answer to 'Whoa' - said the owner.
- It's "Amen."
The Pastor decided that he liked the horse, so he bought him and took him home to his ranch in the country. He saddled the horse up again, said:
- Praise the Lord - and went riding into the countryside.
Suddenly, the horse saw a rattlesnake crossing the path. Frightened, he reared and bolted straight for a cliff.
The Pastor cried:
- whoa!
but the horse only ran faster. In vain, he tried one word after another. Finally, he remembered the correct command and screamed:
- AMEN!!!!!
just as the horse approached the edge of the cliff.
The Pastor was so thrilled that his life had been saved that he raised his hands to the sky and shouted:
- PRAISE THE LORD!
Striking up a conversation with the attractive woman seated beside him on a coast-to-coast flight, a would-be Romeo asked:
- What kind of man are you attracted to?
- I've always been drawn to Native American men - she replied.
- They're in harmony with nature.
- I see - said the man, nodding.
- But, then, I really go for Jewish men who put women on a pedestal, and I can rarely resist the way Southern gentlemen treat their ladies with respect.
- Please allow me to introduce myself - said the man.
- My name is Tecumseh Goldstein, but all my friends call me Bubba.
This Polak came home one day from work, hung up his coat, took off his hat and walked into his bedroom shouting:
- honey I am home!
What should he see but his best friend in bed with his wife.
Infuriated, he rushed to the cupboard, pulled out his gun and put it to his head. His wife started laughing.
- Don't laugh! - he screams.
- You're next!
