Most viewed jokes

If love is blind, why is Lingerie so popular?

- Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!

- Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!

Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?

What do you call a witch at the beach?

- I don't know?

- A sand-witch!

Two brunettes and a blonde are having lunch at a cafe, all three are pregnant. Through out the coversation the topic of sex and pregnancy comes up, finally culminating in each one discussing their respective fetus' and the manner of conception.

The first brunette says:

- I know I am going to have a boy because I was on top.

The second brunette says:

- I know I am going to have a girl because I was on the bottom.

The blonde is silent, she has a stricken look on her face, finally she bursts out:

- Oh my god, I'm going to have a puppy.

Why wasn't Christ born in Poland?
→ Because they couldn't find three wisemen and a virgin!

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that would service all of his many hens.

When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied:

- I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!

So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house though, he gave Henry a little pep talk:

- Henry, I'm counting on you to do your stuff. - he said. And without a word, Henry then strutted into the hen house.

Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn't stop there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out:

- Stop, Henry, you'll kill yourself. But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.

Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Henry.

The farmer walked up to Henry saying:

- Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you big buddy.

- Shhhhh, - Henry whispered. The buzzard is getting closer.

In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him:

- Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous..or what?

- Not at all, Ma'am - the manager replied.

- It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason. - Molly McGee
Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. - Mickey Rooney
In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues. - Helen Rowland
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. - Unknown
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. - Rita Rudner

A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida.

- Is it true - he asked - that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?

- That depends - replied the guide - on how fast you carry the flashlight.