Most viewed jokes

Your mamma is so fat when she goes swimming in the ocean she gets harpooned.

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign in a Rome laundry:

- Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

Sign in the window of a Swedish furrier:

- Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

Sign on the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:

- Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.

Detour sign in Kobe, Japan:

- Stop: Drive Sideways.

Sign in a Swiss mountain inn:

- Special today -- no ice cream.

Sign in a Copenhagen airline ticket office:

- We take your bags and send them in all directions.

Sign on the door of a Moscow hotel room:

- If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

Sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge:

- Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

Why are there no ice cubes in the blonde's freezer?
→ She forgot the recipe.

An old lady was considering buying a squirrel fur coat.

- But will it be all right in the rain? - she asked anxiously.

- Oh certainly, ma'am - said the manager smoothly.

- After all, you've never seen a squirrel with an umbrella have you?

What do you do when two snails have a fight?
→ Leave them to slug it out.

How do you start a teddy bear race?
→ Ready, teddy, go!

In Heaven:
The cooks are French, The policemen are English, The mechanics are German, The lovers are Italian, The bankers are Swiss.

In Hell:
The cooks are English, The policemen are German, The mechanics are French, The lovers are Swiss, The bankers are Italian.

What kind of ears do pumpers have?
→ Engineers.

What happened when the elephant sat on the car?
→ Everyone knows a Mercedes Bends!

An old couple in an old folks home are having an affair, nothing much they just sit watching TV late at night while the old woman holds the old mans dick. Then suddenly the old man ends the affair because of another woman. The old woman's distraught and yells, "WHAT'S THIS OTHER WOMAN GOT THAT I HAVEN'T!" The old man smiles and says, "Parkinson's disease"