Most viewed jokes

- Mum, is it true my baby sister came from Heaven?

- Yes, that's right.

- Well, I don't blame God for chucking her out.

What kind of ant can you colour with?
→ A crayant!

- The auditors have just left, sir.

- Did they check the books?

- Very thoroughly.

- What did they say?

- They want 15% to keep quiet.

Two aardvarks watched in amazement as a firework flashed across the sky.

- 1st aardvark: Wow! I wish I could fly like that.

- 2nd aardvark: You would, if your tail was on fire.

- Would you like to buy a second-hand computer?

- I'm afraid not. I'm only able to type with one hand as it is.

And once again the low self-esteem therapy group meets here at the Salvation Army Hall next Tuesday at 3.00 P.M. Remember that we prefer if you would use the back entrance.

One day, there was a plane that crashed. On it, was Bill Clinton, and an EXTREMELY religious guy who's only wish was to meet the Virgin Mary.

The plane crashed and Bill and Phil both died. Heaven and Hell got all mixed up that day, so the religious guy went to Hell, and Bill went to heaven--temporarily for 20 minutes.

On their way back, they bumped into each other and Phil said:

- Oh, my ONLY hope in the world is to see the Virgin Mary - and Bill Clinton replies...

- Sorry, buddy, you're 15 minutes late!

How is a man like the weather?
→ Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

Very early one morning two birds are sitting at the side of a large puddle of oil. They see a worm on the other side.

So... the one flies over and the other one swims through-which one gets to the worm first?

The one who swam, of course, because:

- Da oily boid gets da woim.

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
→ You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.