Most viewed jokes

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Venus de Milo Barbie ...made of rock; no head, no arms

What do you call an ant from overseas?
→ Impartant

What has six legs, two arms, four eyes and a tail?
→ A man holding an aardvark.

Which kind of ink do you put in your computer's printer?

- Black, Red or Iced?

- Iced Ink?

- Well, yes you do, but I didn't want to mention it.

Why did the baseball coach throw Cinderella off the team?
→ Because she ran away from the ball.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX

10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
11. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
12. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
13. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.
14. It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.
15. Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
16. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
17. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
18. Less guilt the morning after.
19. YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.

A man and woman were celebrating their 50 year anniversary. That night, the woman comes out of the bathroom completely naked and looks at her husband who is already in bed. She says:

- Honey, 50 years ago tonight, when I came out of the bathroom with no clothes on, what were you thinking?

He said:

- I was thinking that I wanted to suck your titties dry and fuck you until you couldn't think straight.

She smiled at him and said:

- So what are you thinking now?

He said:

- I think I did a pretty good job!

The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.

- Everyone knows - the mother lectured him.

- that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool!

- Oh really? - said the lifeguard.

- from the diving board?!

What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
→ In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said:

- Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?

- My darling - he replied.

- I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.