Once upon a time there was a female brain cell that by mistake happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet. "Hello?" she cried, but no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and again she yelled:
- HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE!!?
Then she heard a voice from far, far away:
- Hello! We're down here...
These are supposedly actual signs that have been found in and around parts of England.
Sign in a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
Outside a farm: HORSE MANURE PER PRE-PACKED BAG DO-IT-YOURSELF
In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.
Why do blondes wear earmuffs?
→ To avoid the draft.
How does a blonde change a lightbulb?
→ She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."
Where do you find a down-and-out octopus?
→ On squid row!
Why are vampire families so close?
→ Because blood is thicker than water.
If - H 2 O - is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
→ K 9 P
- I'd like to buy a bed, please.
- Certainly, madam. Spring mattress?
- Oh, no! I want to be able to use it all year.
Why does an inspiring sight like a sunrise always have to take place at such an inconvenient time?
If buttered toast always lands buttered side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what would happen if you tied a piece of buttered toast on the back of a cat and dropped it?
