Most viewed jokes

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
→ A stick.

What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
→ A good start!

A man walks in for a sale rep job. He is very qualitfied, but he has a nervous twitch, and his left eye is always winking. So he speaks with the manager and the manager says:

- Well sir, you are very well qualified for the job, but people have to be comfortable around a sales rep. and that eye thing is really freaky.

The man smiles and says:

- Oh that, I just take some Tylenol and it goes away.

So the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a condom, he takes several more condoms out and finally finds some Tylenol. He takes two Tylenol and the eye twitch goes away. The manager frowns:

- Sir, I'm sorry but our company does not like womanizers. I don't like the look of all those condoms.

The man chuckles:

- Oh, I'm no womanizer... but do you know how hard it is to buy Tylenol at a drug store with your eye contantly winking?

Did you hear about the tragedy in Poland? In Poland's largest shopping mall, there was a terrible power outage. People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hours.

21 Slogans To Help Promote Safe Sex

1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don't be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can't go wrong when you shield your dong
7. If you're not going to sack it, go home & whack it
8. If you think she's spunky cover your money
9. If you slip between her things, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you're going into heat, package your meat
13. When you're undressing your venus dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants & blouse, slip up your trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never, Never deck her, with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in oil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armor will never harm her
21. NO GLOVE NO LOVE!

Two robins were sitting in a tree. - I'm really hungry - said the first one.

- Me, too - said the second.

- Let's fly down and find some lunch.

They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate and ate 'til they could eat no more.

- I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree - said the first one.

- Me either. Let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun - said the second.

- O.K. - said the first.

They plopped down, basking in the sun.

No sooner had they fallen asleep, a big fat tom cat snuck up and gobbled them up. As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought... are you ready for this...

- I just love baskin' robins!

A woman is learning how to golf. She has been teaching herself to play for more than three months and she is really bad. She decides to consult a golf pro.

When she sees the golf pro, she explains how bad she is and he tells her to go ahead and hit the ball. She does. The ball goes about 50 yards into the brush slicing to the right. The golf pro says to the woman:

- I can see that you have a lot of problems. Your stance is bad, your head is all over the place, and the worst thing is that grip.

When she asks what can be done to fix the situation, he suggests:

- Grab the club gently, as if you were grabbing your husband's 'club'. When the feeling is right, go ahead and swing.

She does just that and the ball goes off the tee perfectly straight for about 275 yards.

The golf pro says to the woman:

- That is unbelievable, I didn't think you would do that well. But now on to your next problem...

- How are we going to get that golf club out of your mouth?

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy:

- Hey Billy Bob, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later.

- That's mighty nice of you - Billy Bob answered.

- but I don't think my Pa would like me to.

- Aw, come on boy - the farmer insisted.

- Well okay - the boy finally agreed, and added:

- but my Pa won't like it.

After a hearty dinner, Billy Bob thanked his host.

- I feel a lot better now, but I know my Pa is going to be real mad.

- Don't be foolish! - the neighbor said with a smile.

- By the way, where is your Pa?

- Under the wagon.

What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial?
→ Odour in court!

What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane?
→ A dandy lion!