Most viewed jokes

Which author do the Gorillas love most?
→ John Steinbeck - who wrote 'The Apes of Wrath!'

Did you hear about the farmer who fed crayons to his chickens?
→ He wanted them to lay coloured eggs!

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Dirty Harry Barbie ...comes with large caliber pistol; pull the string and she says:

- Go ahead >giggle< Make my day!

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Fast Food Barbie ...also known as McBarbie...you want fries with that?

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle.
Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.

Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.

As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.

- Excuse me, General - she asks quietly - but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?

The old man smiles serenely and gently confides:

- I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose.

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

- All set back here, Captain - came the reply - except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.

What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?
→ Lost

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

- Want to buy a pocket computer?

- No, thanks, I already know how many pockets I've got.

What does a duck like to eat?
→ A quacker!