Most viewed jokes

Why didn't Helen Keller ever change her baby?
→ She could find it!

A new priest was beginning in the Church confessional. His predecessor had given him a list of sins and their punishments.

The door opened and a man entered.

- Forgive me Father for I have sinned - he began.

- I have stolen.

The priest looked up stealing on the list and told him to say one Hail Mary.

The next time the door opened, a woman walked in:

- Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I had oral sex with the window cleaner.

The priest looked up oral sex on the list but couldn't find it. He opened his door and called out to the cleaning lady:

- What does Father John give for a blow job?

- $12.50 if I take me teeth out.

This chain letter was started by a gentleman in the hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything.

Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented. Then bundle up your wife or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the list, and add your name to the bottom of the list. When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women!

One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have. At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, four of whom were worth keeping.

REMEMBER-this chain brings luck. One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model! An unmarried Turkish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a well-educated, sweet coed who could both work and not be too tired for fun, and a very attractive and highly successful plastic surgeon who just happened to be a nymphomaniac!

You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN!

One man broke the chain and got his wife back!!!

- Waiter, waiter! What's this creepy crawly thing doing in my dinner?

- Oh, that one? He comes here every night.

What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast?
→ How slime flies!

Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.
They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them.
The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.

The second hiker says:

- What are you doing?

The first responds:

- I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll have to jump down and make a run for it.

The second says:

- Are you crazy? Don't you know you can't outrun a bear?

The first guy says:

- I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you!

- Will the father be present during the birth? - asked the obstetrician.

- Nah, - replied the mother-to-be, - He and my husband don't get along.

There were three guys in a bar. Two are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives. The third remains silent. After a while, one of the first two turned to the third and sez:

- Well... What about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?

- Well, on our honeymoon, I made damn sure my wife came to me on her hands and knees. - he bragged and took another sip of beer.

His friends were amazed! - What happened then? - they asked, almost in unison.

- Well, then she said, 'Get the hell out from under that bed and fight like a man!' - he admitted.

The Sunday School teacher asked if any of the children's parents had quoted from the Bible in the past week. Little Timmy paused, but then spoke up, "My daddy doesn't have any hair on his head. Daddy says that God put hair on everything that he was ashamed of."

Which author do the Gorillas love most?
→ John Steinbeck - who wrote 'The Apes of Wrath!'