Most viewed jokes

A smart blonde and a dumb blonde both jump off a cliff at the same time. Who lands first?
→ The dumb blonde because smart blondes don't exist.

- Customer: Why is my hairline receding?

- Barber: It's not. Your scalp is advancing.

Why did the girl put her bed in the fireplace?
→ Because she wanted to sleep like a log.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Homeless Barbie ...complete with stolen K-Mart shopping cart

What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?
→ It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait - 13 seconds, no wait - 14 seconds, no wait......

Who's the aardvark's favorite female vocalist?
→ Bearbara Streis-ant!

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy:

- Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?

The guy replies:

- I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City.

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver:

- Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out:

- I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years.

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister:

- Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

- Just a minute - says the minister.

- That man was a taxi-driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?

- Up here, we work by results - says Saint Peter.

- While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed.

Anna's mother has 3 kids... the youngest daughter's name is Penny... the middle daughter's name is Nickel....... What is the oldest daughter's name?

You think you know it???

Aww.. a smart one you are! You were probably thinking her name was Dime.... but if you were really smart you would know that the oldest daughters name is Anna!!!

Deep in the woods sat a bear and a squirrel at the communal latrine.

- Hmmm - says the bear to the squirrel:

- Do you find that shit tends to stick to your fur?

- Yes it does - replies the squirrel.

- Great! - says the bear, and wipes his ass with the squirrel.

How did Black eye peas get their name?
→ They were fighting over the Chick peas!