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One day Mullah was beating his donkey in a remote place. A man saw him and asked: why are you beating the poor animal. Sorry, said Mullah, is it a member of your family?

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A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion.
So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.

For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.

In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.

- What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion? - asked the chief.

- Forget the damn lion! - he howled.

- Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?

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A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate.

The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff's office and said:

- You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens.

- What do you want me to do? - asked the sheriff.

- I don't care, just do something about those drivers!

So the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said:

- You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go faster.

So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and called and called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff:

- Your signs are doing no good. Is it all right for me to put up my own sign?

The sheriff told him:

- Sure thing, put up your own sign.

He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in order to have him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no more calls from the farmer.

Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff decided to call him:

- How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?

- Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy. - And he hung up the phone.

The sheriff thought to himself:

- I'd better go to that farmer's house and look at that sign... There might be something there that WE could use to slow down drivers.

So the sheriff drove out to the farmer's house, and he saw the sign. It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow letters were the words: SLOW: NUDIST COLONY

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A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.

Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer:

- Were they all dead?

The old farmer replied:

- Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie.

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After the first takeoff of the fully automatic airplane, the passengers heard the soothing, reassuring voice of the pilot:

- Ladies and gentlemen, this is your automatic pilot.

- In my modern and carefully tested sytem an error is absolutely impossible, absolutely impossible, absolutely impossible, ...

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