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It had promised to be a sensational divorce case, with the wife accused of incredible escapades. Testifying before her own attorney, she projected an image of sweet innocence, told a tale of wifely fidelity and sacrifice, and was quite believable.

When it was time for cross-examination though, the husband's lawyer arose and said:

- Isn't it true that on the night of June 12, in a driving rainstorm, you had sexual intercourse with a certain circus midget on the handle bars of a careening motorcycle as it raced across a private golf course reaching speeds in excess of seventy-five miles per hour?

She turned pale but retained her remarkable self-control and composure.

Her voice was almost serene in its innocence as she asked:

- What was that date again ?

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These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

At a restaurant in New York:

- Tip-ing is not a city in China.

Here is a great sign I saw in the grocery store:

- Snickers, 5 for 1.00$.(limit 4)

On a dock in Juneau, Alaska:

- Safety ladder, climb at own risk.

Seen on an electrical appliance store in Spokane, WA:

- Go modern! Go gas! Go BOOM!

Emergency Evacuation Plan posted in various places around my office building:

- Run like Anything!

Biggs Septic Tank Service (near Nashville Tennessee):

- Call Monday thru Friday, sorry, we haul milk on weekends.

Sign on the wall of the office of an ethnologist:

- Beware of bargains in 1. Parachutes 2. Life preservers 3. Brain surgery 4. Eye Care

Billboard sign on a highway coming out of Austin, TX:

- Nobody reads billboards.... But you just did :)

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A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man:

- Do you have a license to catch those fish?

The man replied to the game warden:

- No, sir. These are my pet fish.

- Pet fish?! - the warden replied.

- Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home.

- That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!

The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said:

- Here, I'll show you. It really works.

- O.K. I've GOT to see this! The game warden was curious.

The man poured the fish in to the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said:

- Well?

- Well, what? - the man responded.

- When are you going to call them back? - the game warden prompted.

- Call who back? - the man asked.

- The FISH

- What fish? - the man asked.

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There was a farmer who raised watermelons.
He was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this sign, it says:

- Warning!! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide.

So the kids run off, make up their own sign and post it next to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives up to the sign which read:

- Now there are two.

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