Most viewed jokes

A fireman had two sons. What did he name them?
→ Hosea and Hoseb

What does CHAOS stand for?
→ The Chiefs Have Arrived On Scene.

The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives go shopping one day to a big department store. While they are there a fire breaks out. Everyone in the store is killed, including the three women. Their husbands are summoned to the local police station where a policewoman breaks the news to them:

- I'm afraid sirs, that we believe your wives were killed in the fire at the department store. However the fire was so intense we cannot identify the bodies. Only their handbags survived the blaze. Can you identify your wives' handbags from these three found in the store?

The three men all look at the handbags and each one is able to identify one of the handbags as belonging to his wife. With all handbags accounted for the policewoman leaves the men to deal with their grief in peace. The three men sit in silence for a while, then the Englishman opens his wife's handbag and rummages through the contents, finally pulling out a half-empty packet of cigarettes and says:

- All these years married and I never knew the old girl smoked.

The Scotsman looks into his wife's handbag and pulls out a half-empty bottle of scotch.

- Jings, I knew her all that time an ah didnae ken ma missus drank.

The Irishman empties his wife's handbag onto the floor, looks through the contents and picks up a half empty packet of condoms.

- Saints preserve us! All dese years an oi never knew me wife was a man.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Body-Piercing Barbie ...comes with mini-piercing gun and mini-body ornaments

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Broken Bungee Barbie ...

Barbie doll lying broken on the pavement

- Tower: Cannot read you, say again!

- Pilot: Again!

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
→ Depreciation.

A man and woman are seated next to each other on a plane. After takeoff, the woman violently sneezes and excuses herself to go to the bathroom...so the man stands up to let her out.

She returns, and 15 minutes later she sneezes again big time, and again excuses herself to go to the bathroom.

She returns again, and immediately sneezes, excusing herself to go to the bathroom.

The man, a little tired of jumping up so often...asks her:

- You keep sneezing, what's the problem?

The woman replies:

- I have a rare condition...every time I sneeze I have an orgasm.

He says:

- Oh... what are you taking for it?

She says:

- Pepper.

Once there was this guy, and he was driving in his car, and all of a sudden, he sees the Easter Bunny hopping on the road. Well, he was going too fast, and he didn't hit the brakes in time, so he hit the Easter Bunny.

He was really upset, and was thinking:

- Oh no, what about all those poor little kids?? What can I do!?

Then, a blonde drove up in her car, and asked:

- What's wrong?

- I hit the Easter Bunny!! - said the guy.

- Oh, I know what to do - said the blonde, and she went into her car, got a can, and sprayed the Easter Bunny with it.

A few minutes later, the Easter Bunny got up, hopped a little bit, turned around and waved, hopped a little, turned around and waved, and it kept doing that. When the Easter Bunny was out of sight, the guy turned to the blonde and asked:

- Wow, I'm dying to know what was in that can!!

- Oh - said the blonde.

- It was hair spray. It says, 'Spray on dead hair for permanent wave.'

A couple's having dinner in a restaurant when their waitress, standing a few tables away, watches as the guy slides all the way down his chair and out of sight. The woman across from him seems to not notice.

The waitress comes over and says:

- Excuse me, Ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.

The woman says:

- No he didn't, he just walked in the door.