Most viewed jokes

Dilbert's "Salary Theorem" states that:

- Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people.

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time
And since: Knowledge = Power
And: Time = Money
It is therefore true that Knowledge = Work / Money
Solving this equation for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of Work done.

Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make.

A Polak went to a carpenter and said:

- Can you build me a box that is two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long?

- Hmm... - mused the carpenter.

- It could be done, I suppose, but what would you want a box like that for?

- Well, you see - said the Polak.

- my neighbor moved away and forgot some things, so he asked me to send him his garden hose.

How do you kill a dumb blonde?
→ Put a scratch n' sniff sticker at the bottom of her pool.

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. - Robert Frost
The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse - Dennis Miller
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? - Edgar Bergen
Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished. - Leslie Nielsen
The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job. - Slappy White
I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. - Robert Paul
It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. - Muhammad Ali
A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error. - Dennis Miller
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. - Jerome K Jerome

WHAT DID THE BLONDE SAY ABOUT BLONDE JOKES?
→ She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.

WHAT DID THE BLONDE THINK OF THE NEW COMPUTER?
→ She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV.

What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
→ You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings?
→ Tell them a joke on Friday night!

How do you describe the perfect blonde?
→ 3 feet tall, and a flat head to rest your beer on.

How do you confuse a blonde?
→ You don't. They're born that way.

Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
→ They're too hard to peel.

How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
→ You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
→ Proofreading.

Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
→ For throwing out the W's.

Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
→ Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet

- Why are the waiters in here so nasty?

- Look at who they have to serve.

- Waiter, I can't seem to find any oysters in this oyster soup.

- Would you expect to find angels in angel cake?

What do you get if you cross a hedgehog with a giraffe?
→ A long necked toothbrush!

Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other? They are seperated by a big chain-link fence. Well, one day hell was having a big party and it got a little out of hand. God heard the ruckus and arrived to find his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers. He called the devil over and said:

- Look, Satan, you have to rebuild this fence. Satan agreed. The next day God noticed that the devil had completely rebuilt the fence...but it was 2 feet further into heaven than before.

- Satan! - beckoned God:

- You have to take that fence down and put it back where it belongs!

- Yeah? What if I don't? - replied the devil.

- I'll sue you if I have to - answered God.

- Sure - laughed Satan:

- Where are you going to find a lawyer?

What do you call a very rude bird?
→ A mockingbird!