You Might Be A Redneck...
- If your dad walks u to school 'cause you're in the same grade!
- If u mow the grass and find the car!
- If someone comes to your house everyday thinking you're having a garage sale!
- If u sell the car 4 gas money!
Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich." The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down." The third one responded, "Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them... "That must be the door, I'll get it!"
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
- Dwayne.
- Dwayne who?
- DWAYNE THE TUB! I'M DWOWNING!
Yo momma's so fat her butt looks like two pigs fighting over a Milk Dud!!
Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea.
- I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous.
- My Billy used to do the same thing, the older woman replied. But I broke him of the habit.
- How?
- I hid his teeth.
A blonde, brunette, and redhead went to a church to donate money. The brunette draws a circle around her and throws up all her money. She says that whatever lands inside the circle is for God, and whatever lands outside of the circle she keeps. The redhead then draws a line, stands on it, and throws up all of her money. She said that whatever lands on the right side of the line is for God, and whatever lands on the left side she keeps.
The blonde throws up her money, and yells:
- God, whatever you catch is yours, and whatever you don't I get to keep.
- Why don't you eat here, waiter?
- Serving it is bad enough, I don't want to compound the felony.
- Waiter, waiter! There's a spider in my soup. Send for the manager!
- It's no good, sir, he's frightened of them, too.
Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"
If a hungry shark is after you, what should you feed it?
→ Jawbreakers!
