Most viewed jokes

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
→ Mistle toe, of course!

A nude jogger was running past two old women.

One had a stroke, the other missed!

What is the difference between inlaws and outlaws?
→ Outlaws are wanted! or You can shoot outlaws!

Which condom would you use?

Nike Condoms: Just do it.

Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.

Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.

Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.

Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.

Flinstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.

Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but ph balanced for a woman.

Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, it's that simple.

Ford Condoms: The best never rest.

Chevy Condoms: Like a Rock.

Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?

New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey -- you never know.

Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.

EverReady Condoms: Keeps going and going KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.

Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing.

Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.

A college professor had just finished explaining how important it was that a research project be turned in on time. He said there were only two acceptable excuses for late projects:

1. A certified medical excuse
2. A death in the student's immediate family

A smart-ass student raised his hand and asked:

- What about extreme sexual exhaustion?

As expected, this caused an explosion of laughter.

After the class had settled down, the professor froze the student with a glaring look and said:

- Well, in that case, I guess you would just have to learn how to write with your other hand.

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Cancer Society Honors Marlboro Man
Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy
Autos Killing 110 a Day--Let's Resolve to Do Better
20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar
War Dims Hope For Peace
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation
Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years

- Waiter, this food is repeating on me.

- Good, we love repeat business.

- Waiter, I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.

- I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?

What's an octopuses favourite latin saying?
→ Squid pro quo!

What gas do snails prefer?
→ Shell.