Most viewed jokes

- Guest: Why did you offer me a piece of candy?

- Hotel Clerk: You said you wanted the best suite in the hotel.

A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.

- Excuse me, have you lost something? - he said.

- No, we're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone. - replied one of the doctors.

A middle-aged Jewish guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday.
He says:

- So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?

She says:

- Bernie, I want a divorce. He says:

- I wasn't planning on spending that much.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Baby!

- Baby who?

- Baby love, my baby love....!

Why was there a bug in the computer?
→ It was looking for a byte to eat.

There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer.
Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion:

- Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work !?

Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell she says, "DING!"

What is Black and White and Red all over?
→ A Newspaper

A group of blondes walks into a bar, all excited and giggling. They order a round of drinks.

One of the blondes raises her glass and shouts excitedly:

- 51!!

- 51!!

The other blondes echo. After they have finished their drinks, another round is ordered. Again, the blondes toast "51". This happens a few times.

Finally, the bartender speaks up:

- Excuse me - He says:

- But why do you ladies keep doing that?

- Well - Says one of the blondes, very bubbly:

- We got a puzzle, right? And it said 2-4 years on the box. We finished it in 51 days!!!!!

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to the parish priest:

- Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?

Father Patrick replied:

- I am so very sorry to hear about your dog's death. But, unfortunately we cannot have services for an animal in the church. However, there's a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal.

Muldoon said:

- I'll go right now. Do you think $500 is enough to donate for the service?

Father Patrick:

- $500? - Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?!