Most viewed jokes

- Waiter, waiter, this lobster's only got one claw.

- It must have been in a fight, sir.

- Then bring me the winner.

How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?
→ We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.

What do a tampon and an Old Southern Debutant have in common?
→ They're both stuck up cunts!!

Why do so many Polish navy personnel drown?
→ Because when the engine stops, they all have to get out and push!

Why did the boy take a ladder to school?
→ It was a high school.

- Patient: Doctor, I feel like a bridge.

- Doctor: What's comes over you?

- Patient: 2 trucks, 4 vans and 8 cars

The most successful lawyer in town had never made a contribution to the Red Cross. The chairman of the Red Cross, Mr. Wilson, called on the lawyer, hoping to convince him to make a donation.

- You made over $600,000 last year but you haven't given anything back to the community. How do you reconcile that?

The lawyer sighed, leaned forward and said:

- If you only knew...

- My mother is terminally ill; her medical bills far exceed her income. My brother is a disabled veteran, blind and in a wheelchair.

- My sister is raising three children alone since her husband died in an auto accident.

Mr. Wilson offered his sympathy, admitting he had no idea there were so many demands on the lawyer's profits.

The lawyer nodded and said:

- Exactly...

- Why should I give to the Red Cross when I don't even give to my own family!

What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for his thoughts?
→ Change.

- Waiter, are there snails on the menu?

- Yes sir, they must have escaped from the kitchen!

- What's wrong with these eggs I ordered?

- Don't ask me. I only laid the table.