Most viewed jokes

What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her name tag)?
→ "'Debbie'... that's cute. What did you name the other one?"

THOR, the God of Love wakes up the morning after the orgy.

As he sits up, stretches and looks around, he sees a beautiful, shapely, young blonde standing in the doorway.

He walks over and says:

- Good morning, I'm THOR!

She looks back at him with blue eyes and a comely smiles and says:

- YOUR THOR...

I'M SO THOR I CAN'T PITH!

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God:

- Lord, I have a problem!

- What's the problem, Eve?

- Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy.

- Why is that, Eve? - came the reply from above.

- Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples.

- Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.

- What's a man, Lord?

- Man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time.

But... he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs.

He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly.

- Sounds great! - says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

- What's the catch, Lord?

- Well... you can have him on one condition.

- What's that, Lord?

- As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring...

So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first.

Just remember, it's our little secret...

You know, woman to woman.

Where do werewolves stay when they're on vacation?
→ At the Howliday Inn!

Someone -- always a man -- always asks, "does the ship run on generators?" The Cruise Director usually tells them, "No, we just have a very long power line running to the mainland."

When is an aardvark jumpy?
→ When he's got ants in his pants!

What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
→ An aardvark with the sniffles!

What did one keyboard say to the other keyboard?
→ Sorry, you're not my type.

Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner he told them: I need three important people to send my message out to all the people:

- Tomorrow I will destroy the earth.

Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them:

- I have two really bad news items for you:

1. God really exists and
2. Tomorrow He will destroy the earth.

Clinton called an emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told them:

- I have good news and bad news:

1. The GOOD news is that God really does exist
2. The BAD news is, tomorrow He is going to destroy the earth.

Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and very happily announced:

- I have two fantastic announcements:

1. I am one of the three most important people on earth
2. The Year 2000 problem is solved.

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said:

- I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.