OK, let's consider the physical evidence.
The moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the Earth every year.
Do the math and you will clearly see that 85 million years ago it was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth's surface. This would explain the death of the dinosaurs; the tallest ones, anyway.
One day, Grandma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma's kitchen.
"Where's my bucket and where's my water?" Grandma asked him.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, Grandma," exclaimed Johnny. "There's a big ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
The secretary came in late for work for the third day in a row.
The boss called her into his office and said:
- Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here. Who told you you could come and go as you please around here?
Sharon simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said:
- My lawyer.
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.
There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.
The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says:
- Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says:
- We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field.
He asks:
- And what are those?
The Aussie, fed up with the Texan's bragging replies with an incredulous look:
- What, don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?
- Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
- Patient: Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time.
The Doctor nods.
- Doctor: Hmm.
- Patient: My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?
- Doctor: Hmm.
He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription. The patient is thrilled.
- Patient: Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?
The Doctor sighs.
- Doctor: No. The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test.
Why are the Japanese so smart?
→ They don't have any blondes.
How do you know when a blonde's been sending e-mail?
→ Envelopes in the disk drive.
Mike and Bill, are hanging out in the lone bar in a one-horse town in northern Idaho, when a local rancher walks in carrying a wolf pelt.
- Good work! - says the bartender.
He pops the cash register open, pulls out a wad of bills, and counts them out into the rancher's outstretched hand. After the rancher leaves, Mike asks the bartender:
- What was that all about?
The barkeep says:
- Haven't you boys heard? We got us a real wolf problem in these parts, and the county ain't done a thing about it. Why, just last week, a pack of the damn varmints came onto my property and laid waste t'my chicken coop. Ol' Man Miller down the road even lost four of his cattle to the bloodthirsty beasts! They're vicious, and they got no fear -- and they gotta be stopped. So I'm offerin' a bounty -- a hundred dollars to anybody who brings in a wolf pelt.
Mike and Bill look at each other, and immediately race out of the bar to go hunt wolves. After wandering around the hills for several hours, they finally spot a lone wolf in the distance. Mike takes aim with his rifle and shoots the wolf dead. The two fellas sprint over to where the carcass lay, and Mike gets busy with the pelt.
Suddenly, Bill says:
- Hey, Mike, look.
"Not now," says Mike, "I'm busy."
Bill tugs on Mike's sleeve and says:
- Mike, I think you really ought to see this.
- Not now! - Mike says again.
- Can't you see I've got a hundred dollars in my hands?
Bill's voice starts to waver:
- Mike, please, just look!
Mike stops what he's doing and looks up: The two men are surrounded by a pack of wolves -- at least fifty in all, every one of them growling, drooling, gnashing their teeth, and licking their chops. Mike takes in the sight and gasps:
- Oh, my God... We're gonna be rich!
- Waiter, there is a worm on my plate!
- That's not a worm sir, it's your sausage?
