Most viewed jokes

A professor invented a lie detecting chair. Whenever anybody sitting in it told a lie, the chair would open up and dump the liar on the floor. During an experiment, a brunette sat in the chair and the professor asked her to tell about herself. She began:

- I think you are the best teacher I've ever had.

The chair immediately dumped her on the floor.

After the brunette left in a snit, a blonde sat in the chair. The professor asked her to tell something of her life. She began:

- I think -

The next thing she knew, she was sitting in the floor.

Why does a witch wear a pointed black hat?
→ To keep her head warm.

- Waiter! Have you got frogs' legs?

- No, sir, I always walk this way

How do you make gold soup?
→ Put 14 carrots in it.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Avalanche Barbie ...buried in 16 feet of snow

Why did the baby monster put his father in the freezer?
→ Because he wanted frozen pop.

An auditor was examining the balance sheet of a mining company that had just bought a sheep station in the Pilbara area of Western Australia. The reason for the purchase was partly for the thousands of acres that the station covered and partly for the thousands of sheep that ranged over those thousands of acres. The auditor, being very diligent, noted that the value of the sheep formed a significant asset and, like all good auditors, knew that he would have to verify that asset. He chartered an aircraft and flew up to the station. The manager was at the airstrip to meet him.

- Hello - he said.

- I'm the auditor. I've come to count the sheep.

Many people in computer labs will assure you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they were doing everything correctly, and it still wasn't working, only to make you get up from your nice comfy seat to walk over to the other side of the room and do it yourself. Invariably, after it works the first time for you, the response is, "THAT'S WHAT I TYPED THE FIRST TIME!" Obviously not.

As most technophiles are aware, there are special programs to run scanners. These programs use a TWAIN driver to perform the scanning. TWAIN, the acronym, stands for "Technology Without An Interesting Name."

How can you tell when witches are carrying a time bomb?
→ You can hear their brooms tick!