Most viewed jokes

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics.

- So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying.

- Um ... 22.

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice.

- And can you tell us your height, please?

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces:

- Five foot two!

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics, something that she won't have to count, measure, or lookup.

- Just to confirm for our records, your name please?

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying:

- Cindy!

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks:

- What were you doing when I asked you your name?

- Oh, that! - replies the blonde.

- I was just running through that song, 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...'

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said:

- Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!

- I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket.

- Oh really - she spat.

- Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour!

- Waiter, I can't eat this meal.

- Why not? It looks all right to me.

- I don't have a fork.

Why did the jellyfish's wife leave him?
→ He stung her into action.

Why do waiters like Gorillas better than flies?
→ Did you ever hear a customer complain:

- Waiter, there's a Gorilla in my soup!

- Teacher: What's this a picture of?

- Class: Don't know, Miss.

- Teacher: It's a kangaroo.

- Class: What's a kangaroo, miss?

- Teacher: A kangaroo is a native of Australia.

- Smallest boy: Wow, my sister's married one of them

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Lumberjack Barbie ...sleeps all night, works all day

- This little computer, will do half of your job for you. - said the sales clerk.

Studying the machine, the senior VP said:

- Fine, I'll take two.

After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady repute, the luckless customer unpacked his new toy and plugged it in to find it Dead On Arrival.

Naturally, after checking the usual things, he called the dealer and explained his problem. First question from Deviously Evasive Dealer:

- Did you check to see whether the power was on?

- Of course.

DED:

- Did you open the cover and check whether any of the boards had shaken loose in shipping?

- Of course.

DED:

- Then why are you calling me?

- Well, you sold it to me and there has to be some kind of warranty - pleaded the frustrated purchaser.

- Of course there is - replied the DED, But you voided the warranty when you opened the cover.

There are two major products to come out of Berkeley:
LSD and UNIX.

We don't believe this to be a coincidence.