Most viewed jokes

A lady on an airliner was reading her bible. The man sitting next to her gave a little chuckle and asked:

- You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?

- Of course I do. It is the Bible. - the lady replies!

- Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale? - he asked.

- Oh, Jonah ... Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible. - she replied.

- Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale? - he asked.

- Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him. - said the lady.

- What if he isn't in heaven? - the man asked sarcastically.

- Then YOU can ask him. - replied the lady!

How does a blond turn on the light after sex?
→ She opens the car door.

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down.

He demands:

- What's so funny?

She says:

- Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!

- Waiter, I can't eat this meat, it's crawling with maggots!

- Quick, run to the other end of the table and grab it as it goes by!

- How come this fly is swimming in my soup?

- I gave you too much. It should be wading.

- Waiter, waiter! There's a dead spider in my soup.

- Yes, ma'am, they can't stand the boiling water.

On her annual visit to another planet, an old lady turns to the cabin steward and says:

- I hope this spaceship doesn't travel faster than sound.

- Why? - replies the cabin steward.

- Because my friend and I want to talk, that's why.

The accountant's prayer: Lord, help me be more relaxed about insignificant details, starting tomorrow at 10.53:16 am, Eastern Daylight Saving Time.

How does Bill Gates enter his house?
→ He uses "windows".

The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.