Never slap a man who chews tobacco.
There are many many more asses in the world than donkeys.
Wooden legs are not hereditary, wooden heads are.
Free cheese is always in a mouse trap.
An ugly carpet will last forever.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?"
Rumor has it that the new Miami baseball team will be called "Humidity" so that fans in Florida will be able to say, "It's not the Heat that's so bad, it's the Humidity."
- If you know the food here is so lousy, why do you keep coming back?
- It reminds me of my ex-wife's cooking.
- I say waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
- Well throw him a doughnut - they make fantastic life belts!
Why did the little girl bury her flashlight?
→ Because the batteries died.
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds.
His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him:
- You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.
The frog is thrilled:
- This is great!
- Will I meet her at a party? - he croaks.
- No, - says the psychic - in biology class.
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.
- Just where the heck do you think you're going!
- I'm going to Las Vegas. I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!
- Wait a minute! - the man said, and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.
- Where the heck are you going?
- I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!
The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by exponential progression when he is already in the company of: (1) a date (2) his wife (3) a better looking and richer male friend.
Is it good to drink witch's brew?
→ Yes, it's very newt tricious!
