Most viewed jokes

- Old witch: Now I know you want a job with me. Do you tell lies?

- Young witch: No, but I can pick it up.

I really don't understand why the federal government was so slow to send aid to the areas hit by Hurricane Andrew. After all, both Florida and Louisiana have oil.

First cave man to 2nd cave man: "I don't care what you say. We never had such unusual weather before they started using bows and arrows."

One day a boy was drowning in a near by lake. A firefighter swam out and pulled the boy up onto the beach and began CPR. A crowed watched as the firefighter frantically pumped on the boys chest. With great amazement water was pooring from the boys mouth. Each time the firefighter pumped more water came out.
A short time later seaweed started coming out, then minnows, then more water started coming out of the boys mouth. The firefighter feared this would never stop. Just then, a paramedic arrived and quickly ran over to the firefighter and blurted out:

- Hey Chief! You better get that kids ass out of the water before you pump that lake dry.

After a caller gave a technician her PC's serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded:

- I see you have an Aptiva desktop unit.

Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she'd be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right.

The caller responded:

- Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe.

How many Arians does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Just the one. You want to make something of it, eh?

A lady says to her doctor:

- My husband has been complaining that my vagina has an odor, but I bent over and took a whiff, and I don't smell anything.

The doctor examines her, and then says:

- You need an operation.

She asks:

- On my vagina?

He says:

- No. On your nose!

Amnesia: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to become romantic again.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family Planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Feedback: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't fully appreciate the strained carrots.

Full Name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Independent: What we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.

Mirrors are female because none of their reflections are really their own.

Stamps are female because men like to lick them, stick them, and then send them away.

Windows are male because they're a pane, and because you can see through them.

Shit is male because the older it gets, the easier it is to pick up.

How does a male lightning bolt feel when he notices an attractive female lightning bolt?
→ Thunderstruck