Most viewed jokes

Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th

What is the witches motto?
→ We came, we saw, we conjured!

Which weather features do druggies like most?
→ Highs

The Indians asked their Chief in autumn, if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.

Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked:

- Is this winter to be cold?

The man on the phone responded:

- This winter was going to be quite cold indeed.

So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared.

A week later he called the National Weather Service again:

- Is it going to be a VERY cold winter?

- Yes - the man replied:

- it's going to be a very cold winter.

So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again:

- Are you absolutely sure, that the winter is going to be very cold?

- Absolutely - the man replies:

- the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!

Where is a tornado put in jail to be punished?
→ In a high pressure cell

- How long must I wait for that turtle soup I ordered?

- Well, you know how slow turtles are.

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.

- Honey - she signs:

- Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time.

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife:

- Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis......fifty times

Why did the wizard wear a yellow robe to the Halloween party?
→ He was going as a banana.

- I came in to make an appointment with the dentist. - said the man to the receptionist.

- I'm sorry sir. - she replied.

- He's out right now, but...

- Thank you, - interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient.

- When will he be out again?

- Your mamma is so ugly, when she was born, she had an incubator with tinted windows

- Your mamma is so ugly, the doctor's still smacking her ass.

- Your mamma is so funky, she used secret and it told on her.

- Your mamma's drawls is so funky, roaches checkin' in but not out.

- Your mamma is so fat, can't wear daisy dukes, wears boss hoggs.

- Your mamma is so fat, police use her as a road block.

- Your mamma is so fat, needs a six-piece bikini.

- Your mamma is so old, she reads the bible and reminises.

- Your mamma's cooking is so bad, the homeless gives it back.

- Your mamma is so short, her feet swings on the toilet.