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A Baptist preacher and a catholic preacher are driving out on a road. The catholic preacher sees a cat in the middle of the road, and slams on his brakes. The cat is avoided, but the Baptist preacher hits the back of the catholic preacher. They step out of their cars, and begin talking.

- Oh, I am so sorry, that was my fault - says the Baptist preacher.

While waiting for the cops after they called by cell phone, the preachers soon start talking about their professions to pass the time.

- You know, I never understood why catholic preachers don't drink wine to represent Christ's blood.

The catholic preacher responds:

- Well, we believe that drinking wine is wrong, and just use grape juice instead.

- I have a bottle of wine in my glove compartment right now. Tell you what, let's drink a little right now while waiting for the cops.

"Oh, no I couldn't," replies the catholic, but after pressuring him, the catholic preacher soon agrees. The Baptist preacher takes out the wine and a couple of Dixie cups, and pours a little into each. The catholic preacher drinks it down quickly.

"That wasn't that bad, you're right," the catholic preacher says. Noticing the baptist hasn't drank his wine, he asks, "Aren't you going to have some?"

- Oh sure - the other replies - I'll wait until after the cops come though.

How many 'Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None: A 'Real Woman' would have plenty of Real Men around to do it.

A tornado walks into a bar and orders a Hurricane. The bartender asks why he is ordering a Hurricane when he is a tornado. The tornado responds with, "I am a hurricane induced tornado".

A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces:

- Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. This island appears to be uncharted; I am unable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our lives.

A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island, whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks:

- Esther, did we pay our pledge to the Yeshiva yet?

- No Morris! - she responded.

Morris smiles, then asks:

- Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?

- Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!

Now Morris laughs.

- One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our Temple Building Fund check this month?

- Oy Morris I forgot that one too!

Now Morris is practically choking with laughter. Esther asks Morris:

- So what are you smiling and laughing about?

Morris responds:

- They'll find us.

A little boy came downstairs crying late one night.

- What's wrong? - asked his mother.

- Do people really come from dust, like they said in church? - he sobbed.

- In a way they do - said his mother.

- And when they die so they turn back to dust?

- Yes, they do.

The little boy began to cry again:

- Well, under my bed there's someone either coming or going.

The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one:

- So how do you plead?

- Not guilty - said the second defendant.

- I wasn't talking to you - the judge replied.

- I never said a word - the third defendant replied.

- Can you show me how to use the Internet?

- I'd better - otherwise you'll just go round and round in circles.

How is a blonde and a screen door alike?
→ The harder you bang them the looser they get.

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Yo mama so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!