Most viewed jokes

Yo mama feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates!

Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.

Why did God invent shopping carts?
→ To teach women how to walk on their hind legs.

Why do tornadoes move so erratically?
→ They are dizzy

What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
→ They both have a black box.
→ Both have a cockpit.

A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, a 6 foot tall cockroach was standing there. The cockroach immediately punched him between the eyes and scampered off.

The next evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang again.

When he answered the door, the cockroach was there again.

This time, it punched him, kicked him and karate chopped him before running away.

The third evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there yet again.

It leapt at him and stabbed him several times before running off.

The gravely injured man managed to crawl to the telephone and summoned an ambulance. He was rushed to intensive care, where they saved his life.

The next morning, the doctor was doing his rounds. He asked the man what happened, so the man explained about the 6 foot cockroach's attacks, culminating in the near fatal stabbing.

The doctor thought for a moment and said...

- Yes, there's a nasty bug going around.

Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise. The husband says:

- Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go.

- Good idea - she says.

- While you're in there, pick me up some Dramamine.

The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore and says to the clerk:

- I'd like a box of condoms and a package of Dramamine, please.

"Yes sir, says the clerk, "but do you mind if I ask you a question? If it makes you nauseous, why do you do it?"

A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500 and goes to Las Vegas.

Overnight, he has a fantastic run of luck. He stumbles out of the casino and finds a pay phone. He calls his wife and says:

- Honey, pack your bags. I just won over a million dollars in Vegas.

His wife say:

- That's wonderful. What should I pack for... Europe, the Carribean?

He says:

- I don't care, just be gone when I get home.

How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ None: A Leo would order somebody else to change it.

How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Like, why don't you just get out of my face and stop asking me to do all your work for you? I'm, like, really totally sick and tired of you asking me questions.